Reddit tells me that today is Chuck Norris' 800th birthday. Here, some collected “Chuckisms”.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife… with butter.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He simply decides what time it is.

Death once had a near-Chuck experience.

Chuck Norris doesn’t call the wrong number, you picked up the wrong phone.

If chuck Norris stares at the sun, the sun goes blind

Chuck Norris doesn’t do a push ups, he’s pushing the Earth down.

When Chuck Norris chops onions, the onions cry.